She'll Never Have
by Evil-Irish-Wolf
Summary: While Lily Evans may have somethings, she'll never fully have James to herself. After all Sirius was there first. One sided? JPSB SLASH!


**Disclaimer: **I don't own it, sadly.

**Warnings:**_** SLASH! JPSB Variety! **_ It's probably one sided. -shrug- I always hope that James will come to his senses. I never like to see Sirius sad.

--I love this pairing. Enough said.

**She'll Never Have**

**By: EIW**

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While Lily Evans may have James's love, she'll never have his smirk. 

She'll never see that wicked smirk that gets plastered to his face when he knows he's doing something highly immoral and probably slightly illegal.

Oh, no.

That smirk only comes right before a prank; when both he and Sirius are under the almost too small invisibility cloak trying to stay quiet and usually failing miserably. Well to be honest, it's been too small since fourth year, but neither one of them complains. It's Marauder tradition. Even if it's only Sirius and James, Moony is studying and Wormtail is off somewhere else doing Merlin knows what, which is just the way that Sirius likes it anyhow.

They stand there, shoulder to shoulder pressed together until you can't tell one from the other, crouching down slightly because they've both grown at least four inches over summer break. Their hands are dangling close together and brush every so often. It's at these times that Sirius knows he'll never fit this perfectly against another person for the rest of his life. He's already tried with too many other girls and boys to count.

Then exactly thirty seconds before it happens, Sirius has counted, James looks at Sirius and their eyes lock and a strange form of communication occurs. A raised eyebrow from Sirius_, you ready?_ It's met with that smirk that quirks James's lips slightly upwards in such a glorious fashion, _always_.

Sirius lives for that smirk.

It's a form of communication that's reserved for soul mates and lovers, but according to James they're neither or maybe something in between. They're just best mates and Sirius agrees.

In public anyways.

While Lily Evans may have James's tokens of affections, she'll never have his raw emotions.

When James is around Lily he's always careful of her and her feelings. He makes sure that he keeps himself in line and doesn't act like a totally idiot. He's not usually successful with the latter, but he tries.

And it's the fact that James tries for her and her alone, that drives Sirius mad.

Still, she doesn't get his raw emotions, the powerful emotions that protrude through in the worst and best of times. Those he reserves solely for Sirius because he knows that Sirius won't break if he hugs a little too tight or holds on for a little too long.

The night that Sirius ran away from his family and home to James was the first time that Sirius had ever seen such intense emotion in James's eyes. It was startling really. James grabbed him by his shirt and hugged him so hard that his ribcage almost collapsed inside itself. James's glasses were smashed against the side of Sirius's neck and were most definitely leaving indentations on his skin. Sirius just grabbed the back of James's shirt and held onto his warmth. He'd been cold for far too long. They held onto each other for almost ten minutes before they "manned up" again. That was the best hug that Sirius ever got in his life.

James could never do that with Lily. She was too delicate of a flower to be held like that.

While Lily Evans may have dates with James, she'll never have Quidditch with James.

Flying at break neck speeds, spiraling down so close to the ground and then pulling up just as your feet skim the top blades of grass, yelling and cheering so loud that you won't be able to speak properly the next day, and that magical spark that James gets into his eyes right before take off. All of those moments are reserved entirely for Sirius.

Sometimes, Sirius even hopes that the spark in James's eyes is for him and not Quidditch.

James takes _her_ out to dinner. They talk, snuggle and do completely disgustingly romantic things. He buys her flowers and she kisses his cheek softly. They hold hands and make googly eyes at one another. Sirius has seen this first hand. It's not that he was spying, but he was looking out for his Marauder brother.

That and he was completely jealous. Lily isn't the only one that has green eyes at times. Although, Sirius thinks that not many would call her a monster.

Sirius comforts himself with the thought that brooms don't wilt and die like flowers do.

While Lily Evans may know James Potter, she'll never even begin to understand Prongs.

She's never liked pranks. They didn't hurt people on purpose, except Snivellus. It was all fun and games and if people were angry than they obviously didn't have a good sense of humor. It wasn't their fault that not many people got their special blend of humor and pranks. Sirius supposed that it took a special kind of person to fully understand.

To date, the only known "special kind of people" were James and Sirius themselves.

Which is just dandy with Sirius, he has enough competition as it is.

She never approved of the way that the Marauders paraded around as if they own the entire castle. She thought it was arrogance, but it wasn't. It was a commonly acknowledged fact that they were in some ways better than everyone else. The teachers loved them and sometimes openly favored them. They were the most popular boys in their year and house. Sirius and James always got everything on the first try. Always.

They were untouchable, for a while at least.

She never could understand the pure freedom and joy there was in being an animagus either. She couldn't comprehend why anyone would want to run around like some animal. Sirius thanked every God he knew that she'd never share those experiences with James because he couldn't have something else stolen from him by that redhead.

So, Sirius watches and waits for his moments and convinces himself that it's enough.

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**A/N- **Please review!! Thanks for reading! 


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